Brian Read

Full Name: Brian Sleazebag Read
Date of Birth Used: 10 July 1995; 11 July 1995
Place of Birth: Hell
Nationality: ex-pat (but he vows he will return to Hell one day and will always vote for Satan)
Credibility: Not confirmed, but has been determined to be smaller than a blue smartie
Best Feature: Managing not to get fired due to underhand dealings
Aliases: Abu Bin Wankyn, Sleazy Ready, The EGO


Sex: No Chance.
Weight: 130 pounds
Complexion: spotty
Build: Jerry
Language: Insulting and Childish
Scars and Marks: has a mole.

After failing to obtain a contract to play football for Chelsea, Brian Read decided he would create a sub standard writing career for himself by playing on the weakness on others. He then convinced the editor of his local newspaper to make him lead reporter on all stories. He managed to achieve this by blackmailing him. The poor editor would have to suffer the indignity of everyone knowing he was actually a Spaniard passing off as a Yorkshireman, thus Brian got his first big break.


Read has been reported fantasising about Mo Molem and has been indicted in the plot to discredit Gibraltar. Previous targets of abuse include the Queen Mother. He is believed to have had an relationship with a singing kitten. He is known to sleep with a loaded football.

Wanted by British Rail police in connection with travelling extensively throughout the United Kingdom without a ticket (2000). Suspected Everton supporter.


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